WHO AM I?

This letter from Dar to me says it all....

Dear Jarvis P. Weasley, aka the “Weez”, 

You are a ’55555555lllllllllllllllllll33wwwwwwwwwwwlsrrysbsdfh ;111111111111111 

(Off the keyboard please, I’m trying to do some work here.) 

You are a DORK, and have been since I first saw you at the shelter when you were just 4 

weeks old and sick as a “dog”! You were too young to be without your mom, but your 

tiny, snot-nosed, crusty-eyed, darling of a face still displayed a sense of happiness, and 

you jumped around your kennel with an apparent zest for life. 

 (I now figure that it was probably due to you seeing dead people/ghosts and panicking 

from fear.) 

First there was your depth perception issue. Anyone walking near my loft would 

probably wonder why I was constantly pleading “Nooooooo!” as you tried to jump onto 

furniture and missed, or crashed into immobile objects when you couldn’t judge the 

distance in time to stop as you flew around my house. I was terrified when I would walk 

in and find you on top of the wardrobe or cat tree, knowing full well how you usually 

went down. I think for the first 6 months you had a permanent lump on your noggin. 

Thank goodness you grew out of that. 

I’d like to bring to your attention a few key issues of note: 

 I honestly do not have enough money to constantly order items online just so 

that you can have the boxes they come in. 

 Stepping onto your cold, wet fur balls in the middle of the night grosses me out. 

 Could you select a new favorite toy please? The piece of wire wrapped around a 

Day-Glo green straw that you love is embarrassing because my friends think I’m 

a cheapskate. 

 I think that I can also speak for the other cats when I say that when you eat too 

fast and vomit back into the bowl, it’s a “LOSE LOSE” all around. 

 I am fully aware that the bathroom is your “man cave”, the place where you 

store your toys in the tub and contemplate life. It’s just that sometimes I like to 

apply my own makeup or use the toilet by myself without your help. 

(That being said I still find it hilarious when I’m showering and you go all Norman Bates 

on me, sitting on the sink while you press your silhouette against the shower door. 

Someday you’re going to give a heart attack to one of your cat sitters though…) 

Regardless of all of your silly antics you are still my sweet ginger boy! 

You cuddle in my lap for hours watching movies, you gently nudge me with a tap from 

your paw and a kiss on my nose when I hit the snooze button too often, you demand 

that I play with you when I think that I’m too busy, and you are a constant reminder to 

enjoy life in the NOW, despite what is going on around me. 

Huggies, 

Dar